


Irreplaceable

by Schangia



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence, Gen, M/M, PHWeek2020, Self-Doubt, it's my first and probably only pandora hearts ship, only slightly though, read into their relationship here what you like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23733181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schangia/pseuds/Schangia
Summary: Break checks up on Gilbert the night after he had Raven burn off his own arm.Pandora Hearts Week 2020, Day 7, prompt: free day
Relationships: Xerxes Break & Gilbert Nightray, Xerxes Break/Gilbert Nightray
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Irreplaceable

**Author's Note:**

> My first Pandora Hearts story I posted more than seven years ago on tumblr, back when I had been into the fandom for only a few days. I'm really happy I got to rewrite it.

Nothing mattered to him any more. Neither the rays of the moon bathing his room in blue light—illuminating, engulfing, haunting it—nor the faint, hollow cry of the cold night air hitting the window. It didn't matter. Had never mattered at all.

All that mattered right now was the vacant feeling clawing at his stomach whenever he glanced at the spot where his left arm should have been. He might've chosen this path himself, but he still had to get used to his new confinement. How was he supposed to fire his gun and hold onto his hat at the same time now once things spiralled out of control?

Clicking his tongue, Gilbert searched the bed stand with his eyes and sighed inaudibly when he remembered that he had lost his last cigarettes during their fight against the Baskervilles. It wouldn't change anything if he scolded himself now, but it was something he was used to, something he had done so many times already that it had become a habit. A source of comfort even, because something just seemed wrong when he felt satisfied with what he had done.

He always messed up, no matter how hard he tried to please everyone. Scolding himself just came so incredibly easy to him. Even if his steps felt much lighter now without his left arm and the vow that had chained him to his past, Gilbert still wondered if his decision had been the right one. It was only the second time he'd ever properly decided something on his own, and doubt was creeping its way into his mind; especially in the dark of the night when he was alone with his thoughts.

Gilbert chuckled joylessly as he remembered his first proper decision. It was back when he had left Oz' side to help Break fight against the Baskervilles, a scene that seemed to have happened so long ago, when in reality only little time had passed since then. Still, he wasn't sure whether a decision brought upon by his ridiculous sense of duty could be counted, so maybe burning off his own arm had indeed been the first thing he ever followed through with.

Before another chuckle could escape his lips, more pitiful this time around, the sound caught in his throat. Gilbert cursed himself for only noticing Break standing in the door frame now. Briefly wondering how long the other man had been waiting for him to acknowledge his presence, Gilbert tilted his head back, frowning when he heard his voice crack at the end of his question.

“What are you here for, Break?”

Gilbert didn't dare turn around to face him, but he imagined Break smiling at his question, smiling like a child although everyone at Pandora knew he was the most twisted of them all. Intently listening to the light footsteps coming closer to the bed he was currently sitting on, he suppressed the urge to look at Break. If he had done, however, he would have noticed the sadness tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Why, to see how my left eye is doing.”

Break's voice didn't sound much different from usual, but the emphasis he put on the word 'see' sent a shiver down Gilbert's spine. A sharp pang of guilt ran through his body. With his physical abilities impaired until he got used to his missing limb, how was he supposed to uphold the promise he had once given to Break so carelessly?

He despised going back on his word, especially since he had seldom been so serious about something. And yet, maybe it was better this way. Break had only used him because he had been in a favourable position to become his spy. There hadn't been any other feelings involved, neither pity nor sympathy; no other reason than Gilbert being available for his disposal. As long as someone had proven to be useful to him, Break would've taken anyone.

“I'm disappointed, Gilbert-kun. Weren't you the one who told me it was okay to ask for help?”

Breaks voice pulled him back to the present. He mulled over the question for a few moments before he replied, his suspicion poorly concealed, “Why would I ask for your help?””

Theirs had been a bond of necessity and nothing more. They only intended to use each other until one side failed to be beneficial any longer. Or at least, that was what Gilbert had made himself believe. He was the one supposed to support Break, to be his useful tool, to help him out in time of need—not the other way round.

If he lost his usefulness, what would remain of the bond they shared?

Yet, Break didn't seem to mind his uselessness at all. Although Gilbert could not see him move, he could feel how the soft sheets beneath him were pulled taut by the additional weight on his bed. He had to shift his body in order to keep his balance when Break positioned himself right behind him.

“I told you, didn't I?” Break murmured, a teasing edge to his voice. “Just use me as I'm going to use you.”

“What are you doing?”

Again, Gilbert's voice cracked, but this time out of shock. Break was leaning forward, softly pressing his chest against his back. Gilbert instinctively winced and closed his eyes when the fabric of Break's shirt grazed the stump of his left arm. It took him a couple of seconds until he got used enough to the sensation for him to take a look at what the other man was doing.

Mouth slightly agape, Gilbert could only stare at Break's arm continuing where his stump stopped, mimicking the movements Gilbert would've normally used it for. Something felt off, watching Break's hand pretending to fire a gun instead of wielding a sword.

When Break finally decided to reply, his answer was simple, even though it came with a firmness that surprised Gilbert and almost knocked the air out of his lungs.

“I'm practising.”

Heartbeat loud in his ears, Gilbert swallowed the lump in his throat.

“And what?” he asked breathlessly, once he had regained his composure.

Gilbert couldn't see the honest, desolate smile on Break's lips, but he could feel the warmth radiating from the withering body as the man known as Mad Hatter rested his head on his shoulder, smooth strands of white hair brushing against his cheek.

Break's voice was low, deep, soothing. A soft lullaby murmuring hidden promises not built on necessity and usefulness.

“Replacing your left hand, of course.”


End file.
